Attachment-Focused Relational Therapy
A life of connection and meaning is possible.
The Anxious-Preoccupied Type
You care deeply about the people in your life, sometimes so much that it feels overwhelming.
You try to be thoughtful, responsive, loyal, and emotionally available.
But underneath your care sits a quiet fear:
“What if they don’t really want me?”
“What if they leave?”
Maybe you feel like you’re always “too much,” too emotional, too sensitive, too needy.
Maybe you replay conversations long after they’re over.
Maybe you feel a knot in your stomach when someone you love pulls away, even a little.
You want closeness, deeply, intensely, but can’t shake the anxiety that something is about to go wrong.
You might find yourself:
Overthinking texts and social cues
Trying hard to keep the relationship stable
Feeling panic when someone gets distant
Worrying you’ve upset someone
Feeling shame for “needing too much”
Struggling to set boundaries because you fear disconnection
Losing yourself in relationships
The Dismissive Type
You pride yourself on being competent, independent, and self-sufficient.
You’ve carried yourself through a lot, often alone.
But when emotions get big or relationships get complicated, something in you pulls back.
You might feel:
Overwhelmed when others rely on you
Drained by conflict or emotional needs
Afraid you’ll lose yourself in a relationship
Numb, flat, or disconnected when things get stressful
More comfortable handling problems alone
Uncertain how to express what you feel
Guilty for needing space, but also resentful when you don’t get it
On the outside, you may seem calm and put-together.
Inside, you may feel:
“It’s easier not to need anyone.”
“If I depend on someone, they could hurt me.”
“Getting too close feels like giving up control.”
You want connection, but on terms that don’t overwhelm you.
And you want to feel safe in closeness instead of constantly monitoring how much space you have left.
In either case, you’re experiencing the cost
You might find yourself doubting, “Is there just something fundamentally wrong with me?” “What do I have to do to just feel normal, happy, and connected in a relationship?”
You might have lost relationships. Maybe you ended it before things could get too serious, or maybe your partner left you saying you were “too emotionally unavailable.”
You might struggle in other areas too, experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or mood swings.
And maybe you’ve turned to vices to deal with the discomfort… scrolling endlessly on social media to just try and get out of your own mind, binging hours of TV, turning to alcohol or drugs…
If you're experiencing any of this, then you’re not alone. Research suggests that over 40% of individuals in North America are thought to have some form of attachment disturbance.
Attachment develops early in life (between 12 and 24 months) and sets the emotional blueprint for our sense of self and experiences in intimate relationships.
What’s more, attachment disturbances are thought to underly many forms of complex trauma and treatment-resistant conditions.
“So, what do I do about it?”
Maybe you’ve tried everything you can think of:
You’ve gotten self-help books, even ones on attachment styles in relationships
You’ve listened to podcasts and picked Chat GPT’s brain
And maybe you’ve even tried therapy (for years), but it just didn’t seem to be quite what you most needed
If you haven’t been having success with what you’ve been doing, here’s why:
Attachment styles live below the level of language (because they developed so early in life), and therefore attachment is not addressed by most forms of talk therapy.
You can read all the books, listen to all the podcasts, and attend years of therapy and have a perfect understanding of your problem without ever actually healing the attachment disturbance.
This is where Attachment-Focused Relational Therapy comes in.
Attachment-Focused Relational Therapy
No matter your attachment pattern, the problem isn’t who you are, it’s the blueprint your nervous system learned early in life. And the good news is, that blueprint can be changed. Attachment-Focused Relational Therapy is designed to gently reshape that blueprint.
Attachment-Focused Relational Therapy represents the culmination and synthesis of the very best the field of attachment research and therapy has to offer over the past 50 years, and it is distinctly different from most forms of talk therapy.
The core of Attachment-Focused Relational Therapy is The Three Pillars Model, an integrative, evidence-informed framework designed to repair core attachment wounds and support lasting change. The Three Pillars Model works from the inside out, not by talking about security but by helping your nervous system experience it. Over time, these repeated experiences of relational security and nervous system regulation create the conditions for lasting emotional change… leading to the development of something called “earned security.”
Earned security means you have created a new emotional blueprint for attachment, one built in trust, safety, and connection. You’ll begin to experience:
The ability to tolerate closeness without fear
Healthy boundaries that don’t cost you connection
Emotional clarity and self-trust
A felt sense of security that travels with you
Relationships that feel safe, mutual, and nourishing
Give yourself the gift of secure connection. Take the first step today and schedule a free consultation.
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